Contra: The Arcade Classic That Defined 'Nintendo Hard' (And Why It Still Kicks Your Butt)

June 22, 2025

"You think Dark Souls is hard? Pfft. Try beating Contra on one credit."

Before "git gud" was a meme, there was Contra - Konami's merciless 1987 arcade masterpiece that turned quarter-munching into an art form. This is the game that defined "Nintendo Hard" before it even hit the NES, and guess what? It still wrecks players in 2025.

"Wait, That’s Not the NES Version?!"

Fun fact: The arcade original is even more brutal than the beloved NES port. How? Let’s break it down:

No Konami Code (at first) - You get 3 lives. Total.
Enemy bullets move faster than your regrets after jumping into a pit (again).
The spread gun (aka "the only gun that matters") is rarer than a polite Souls invader.

(Watch a TAS speedrun that will make you question your gaming skills.)

Gameplay: Run, Gun, and Pray

Contra’s genius is in its simplicity:

Left/Right/Up/Down (no diagonals, this isn’t Street Fighter)
Jump (commit fully or die)
Shoot (constantly, like a paranoid Rambo)

But the real skill? Memorization. Those alien bases? They’re basically bullet-hell mazes where one wrong step = instant death. And don’t get us started on the infamous waterfall level (RIP to all who underestimated the hitboxes).

Why It’s Still a Masterclass in Design

Perfect Controls: No input lag, no fluff - just razor-sharp precision.
Co-Op Chaos: Nothing bonds friendships (or destroys them) like 2P mode.
The Soundtrack: That Jungle Theme still slaps harder than a Red Falcon soldier.

Modern Ways to Play (Without Going Bankrupt on Quarters)

Arcade Archives (PS4/Switch) - Save states = less suffering
Contra Anniversary Collection - Includes the JP version (with cutscenes!)
MAME Emulation - For the true masochistic experience

Verdict: Who Should Face the Challenge?

Retro Enthusiasts: This is gaming history in its purest, cruelest form.
Speedrunners: Current WR is ~11 minutes - can you top it?
Anyone Who Thinks Modern Games Are "Too Easy".

Final Score: 9/10 "Painful Memories"
"A near-flawless run-and-gun that will humble you, then hook you forever."

Pro Tip: If you do play the NES version later, ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA isn’t cheating… it’s self-care. 💀🎮